Transitions & Changes: Why we love to loathe them and why it’s impossible to survive without them!

05 Nov Transitions & Changes: Why we love to loathe them and why it’s impossible to survive without them!

In one way, we can say that we made it!  In the last week alone we slept through daylight saving time, lived to tell stories about a full blue moon (and on Halloween none the less!) and the last of our leaves are falling from the trees here in NYC. Oh!   And as I write this, it is 24 hours since polls have closed for the 2020 presidential election.  The pandemic has not quite left us yet, but we are here to focus on small wins!  Shifting and adapting is on my mind.

We make small shifts all day, each and every day. We exercise our flexibility when things don’t go as expected, when a new situation arises that we must tackle, or when we bring a project to conclusion and can move on to a new topic/ project/ passion.

Even on days when we have low energy or low mood, we shift.  If we are uncomfortable in our seat, we fidget. Restless in our skin, we move.  Unsatisfied.  We seek!

And we do this all with the purpose of bringing a level of clarity and some comfort to our situation.

Yet change is not comfortable.  In fact, I would argue that “discomfort” should be added to the definition!  It creates a modicum of stress that is necessary.  Just like our muscle fibers need to become strained to heal and grow stronger from weight training, our minds can process and heal through stressful situations.

When we are too comfortable in our space and routines, many people feel they have “made it” and can settle down.  The hard part is behind us.  The easy part ahead.  It’s time to exhale.

But, if you are reading this, you are most likely a psychologically minded, or at least psychologically curious, person and realize that that feeling of staying the same becomes difficult to sustain.  As human beings our essence is constantly pulled towards change.  Passions.  Curiosities.  Wonder.  They are all fueled by an unknown.  A wanting to explore!

On a recent light hike my thoughts wandered to the leaves of the trees and how they engage in their natural change cycle.  They sprout.  Bloom.  Live in the light.  And then… They fall.  Decompose.  They become a yummy, nutrient filled food for plants and insects.  And the new growth in inevitable.

There are some amazing parallels as we experience our own changes from summer to fall seasons. Our moods start to shift with the change of light exposure and we might need to be sure to expose ourselves to natural sunlight or a light box early in the morning to keep our circadian rhythms on track.  We may crave different foods, often those which are naturally in season. Our brains are wired for adaptation.  When our body is cold, we shiver and when we feel hot, we sweat.

We are full of layers just like the trees.  And we shed them in a similar way.  

For instance, a difficult situation with a friend or family member may bring up tension, conflict, and discomfort.  We are forced to make a choice.   Do we stay the same by avoiding a hard conversation?  Withdraw because we think it will be easier. 

Or do we shift.  Move into the discomfort.  Embrace it.  Feel it.  Try to move toward the person.

And as we process, the tension becomes something of the past.  Fertilizer for our own growth, really.  

I realize that we benefit from thinking of change as a continuum.  If we shift too much, too fast we miss the opportunities to be mindful of our choices and the meaning of the experience.  And change is so slow that we are stuck, and can’t find a way to push past it, we may stay there. 

Natures path is much more clearly laid out, predictable, and inevitable. Can you imagine what it would be like if it were the same for us complicated and nuanced humans? Yet, there are far too many variables that contribute to our cycles of growth and missteps. Barriers to change.  Many of these are out of our control.  Yet if we sit and think about it, there are many that we have agency with.

Changing becomes a choice.  

A consideration of our relationships and what makes them thrive.  A drive to dig deep and remain curious about what excites you, what scares you, and what in your world is a non-negotiable!  A courage to embrace any discomfort and feel it.  To really feel alive.  A mindful experience of it.  And know, it is okay. 

So as we transition into these colder days, and possibly harder social and political climates, I challenge you dear reader to reflect.  And I challenge you to ground yourself in the here and now, rest easy your mind.  We will leave the grounding practice for another blogging day.

For now, grab your journal or find a quiet space to just explore your thoughts with these Reflection Prompts.

• The opposite of change is…
• The challenges that I have dealt with this fall season include…
• I am attempting to stay the same because it is comfortable and feels safe by (actions, choices, routines, etc.)…   
• I know I have embraced adaptation when I…
• The amount of change I am able to tolerate is…
• I know the amount of change is too much when….     
• In these past months as the sociate has had to adapt in many new ways as I have managed this by…
• My needs and wants are…
• My values have changed in the past several months because…
• About this shift in values I feel…
• Because of these shifts I have started to include _____________ in my daily routines and expectations.

Keep in mind friends, struggle is a deep place of growth.  Where you have been has made you who you are.  Where you are going will make you the person you are meant to be!