How do you feel about change?

Change is the foundation of the classic New Year’s “reset.” When we set resolutions, we are attempting to find ways to channel and fuel our motivation, all with the idea that this will result in a change of some sort.

For some, resolutions feel exciting or like a fresh start. For others, it can feel dreadful to try to *finally* gather momentum towards that goal that you have been deep down wanting and yearning for. Still, you haven’t been able to muster up the time, space, gumption, or enthusiasm to just stick to behavior or routine.

Despite wanting the outcome of our goals, the journey is dreaded. Why can’t we just snap our fingers and get there?  

It is true that the benefits most likely are in the journey more than the ultimate end-game experience.  Being consistent and steadfast with hard things is exactly what makes enjoying the outcomes that much more so because of the hard work it took to get there. And, in the end, we have the template to get there again because we lived it.

It’s also similarly true that once we meet a goal, we often set new ones. (or, perhaps the truest part of goal setting overall, is that we never even hit our goal because it was not a reasonable one to begin with!)

At this point, I will again ask you to think it through: how do you feel about change?

Do you resist it? Do you feel excited by the competition of it? Are you afraid of it?
Humans often fear change, as it represents the unknown. Finding stability usually means finding routine, clear expectations, and predictability. It feels safe because we don’t have to wonder or anticipate.

Esther Perel frequently discusses how this same stability can have alternative consequences, such as fizzling long-term relationships or stifling one’s creativity.

So, which is it that we ‘need’?

It seems to me a healthy, balanced mixture of both is the answer. It would also help us think about that mixture in different domains of our lives. For example, finding some stability with finances can feel tremendously safe and secure, while pushing oneself to take risks can also feel enlivening. Or- with one’s career. Finding stability for a period of time can be freeing in many ways, freeing mental capacity due to knowing the expectations and skills required. No need to make constant choices since we know what to anticipate with the ‘right’ choice. And yet, setting a new career goal can nurture innovation, aliveness, and passion.

It’s a constant ebb and flow or sturdiness and then going out into the unknown. It reminds me of The Hero’s Journey The cycle of the journey embodies this ebb and flow, with the balance of safety and then risk. Authors, professors, and storytellers use this structure and sequence to create stories both satisfying and engaging to the reader or viewer. Over the years I have shared my personal thoughts on this journey with many clients and attendees of trainings, that this journey could be any one of our stories, and really on any given day!

We often experience the push to wander into the Unknown- satisfying and exciting. And yet, we also crave safety and feel relief once we make it back to the stability of the Known.

I do understand the usefulness of goal setting. We wouldn’t learn or amount to much if we didn’t engage in this practice as humans. And I want to argue that we can afford, as a community at large, to ease up on setting many hard and fast goals and try to shift our collective perspective to a more nuanced, softer, present journey to the outcome.

Intentions.

Some call this manifestation or mantra setting.

As I understand it, an intention is a commitment to do something or embody a way of being with a focused determination. It’s not setting out to achieve something in a hard and fast way. It is present-focused. The intention is “being” without an attachment to the outcome. It’s a focus on the journey specifically.

I think there is a place for setting both goals and intentions. However, our society has become such a doer culture: do more, be more, achieve more. This is especially so in metropolitan areas.

My mind can’t help but wonder (and really, I feel quite confident in saying but to know…) what this do’er way does to the nervous system!? We are burning ourselves out with the constant push. And, of course, if we don’t hit said goals, I am willing to bet that it is our inner self-criticism showing up more often than our inner coach thoughts!

So, in this New Year of 2024, I challenge you to re-adjust your change practices. Try intention setting for these first new months.

See what it feels like in your nervous system? Any lightness? Tension? Openness? How does it play with your motivation? Your passion?  

And if goal setting is for you, tried and true, well okay, then I ask you to do the same! How does it feel in your nervous system on a day-to-day basis as you try to reach that goal? Any lightness? Tension? Openness? How does it play with your motivation? Your passion?

Here are some steps for engaging in the practice of Intention Setting.

Keep in mind, flexibility is the standard here. You can set intentions for an hour, a day, a week, or a year. Your choice.

It can also be a word, a phrase (mantra), or an image. Anything that helps you to be present.

You can write it out, draw it out, or hold it dear internally in your mind. I do suggest concretely putting it down on paper, this way you can see it, it makes it more tangible, and you can place it somewhere in your eye sight so that you can revisit it frequently.

I like the idea of putting it on a post-it on your fridge or even changing your passwords to be your intention! This way you need to type it many times a day!

First, I suggest engaging in a centering practice. Take a seat. Notice your bottom on the surface that you are sitting on. Your feet on the floor. Notice your breath. Watch your thoughts come… watch them go. Bring yourself back to the present moment. You can cycle through this noticing a few times before you feel settled and ready.

Here are some questions for you to answer to support your intention setting practice:

• What would you like to build, create, or nurture in your life?
• What matters most to you?
• What would you like to let go of?
• Who would you like to forgive in your life?
• How do you feel when you are your happiest self?
• What makes you proud?
• What word(s) would you like to align yourself with?
• What fears would you like to release?
• What are you grateful for?

Choose an area that feels the most aligned with where you are at, in this centered moment.

Identify a word, or words, that capture the essence of what you would like to focus on.

Some examples include: Find Balance, Open Mind and Heart, Peace, a visual of a light, Act with Courage, Connect, Breath. Ease.

Bring your intention setting with you into each day by silently stating (or visualizing) it at the beginning of your day, a meditation practice, or movement practice.

Revisit it often and when needed.

Call it to the center of your mind when you need a guide or feel frazzled.

Intentions are a wonderful way to help you to stay grounded and reconnect with what matters most.

For now, I am wishing you all a beautiful 2024!