18 Dec Mindful Holiday Self-Care: A Perspective from Your Nervous System

Do you feel uncomfortable about the holidays coming up? I can relate. It’s a time when whatever is complicated in our lives tends to get amplified.

Whether we are ready or not, the holiday season is upon us. With that comes interruptions to our routine, a sensory overload of lights and sounds, and an influx of social situations to navigate.

Loss, love, expectations, and boundaries. It will most likely get intense, even in the healthiest relationships (with yourself or others!).

Inevitably, this time of year prompts memories, pushes for reflection, and provokes emotion. All while our nervous system is trying to figure out: Is this safe? Is that dangerous? I’m not so sure about this dinner. Do I have to hug them? And on and on. Automatically, your body is working for you to keep you physically and emotionally safe. For some of us, it can be exhausting.

I’m not a massive fan of the “listicles” craze, although I know there is a benefit to reading quickly through this type of information… In any case, here’s my best attempt at highlighting some Mindful Self Care Holiday Tips.

Learn to take a beat.

Imagine that you can tap into those micro communications your body gives you through sensations; what would it say to you? Would it yearn for space? Crave connection? Insist on a “no” this time?

How, in your holiday schedule, can you build space for this ‘tapping into’ practice? It could be allowing yourself to pause simply. Popping into the bathroom between meals and conversations for a moment of a delicious, deep, and full belly breath. Stepping outside for a walk around the block to give your senses a reset.  Take that deeper exhale as you engage in conversation. Find solace in a few moments of alone time, whatever it looks like. Formal or informal. Allowing your body this moment to decompress needs to become a non-negotiable on your ‘to-do’ list.

Make space.

During the holidays, there is a perpetual message of being joyful, festive, and happy. Now, I am not knocking this, and if you find these emotions accessible, well, that is delightful, and making space so that you may savor them is just as important!

That being said, the reality is that this is a time full of sadness, stress, anxiety, grief, and loneliness. While staying with these heavy emotions might be uncomfortable, they are also giving us much needed information. These emotions are the body and mind coming together to share something with you.

So, I ask you, please just take a moment for yourself each day to check-in and witness. This can be a morning or nightly ritual, a phone alarm reminder, or a journaling practice. Ask yourself the following and listen for the answers… how am I feeling right now? How do I know this? Where do I feel it in my body? What does it feel like?

Witnessing may just be this moment of check-in. And it can also be taking it a step further to dialogue with yourself. What do you feel called to say to yourself, as if you are speaking to an old friend? I am here? I hear you? What can I do so that you feel seen? What do you need to heal?  

Take some longer, more full exhales as you do this. Your body will be grateful. And you will be one step closer to riding the wave of uncomfortable emotions with a bit more skill.

Notice.

Work to identify your unique cues that alert you to the fact that you are moving toward fight or flight. (For me, I get a tightness in my chest, and my cheeks start to feel hot.)

Are your muscles tense and tight? Relaxed? Heavy? What is your breathing like? Where is the emotion in your body, is it in your gut, shoulders, feet?

This is a simple model, but actually learning how to identify these cues and the strategies that work best to help you regain your composure can take a bit of work and practice.

Get back to basics.

If you anticipate a hard season full of distress, crisis, intensity, or stress, please plan ahead! Drink enough water, build routine around your bedtime rituals so that you can secure your minimum hours of sleep (6.5-8 on average), plan your meals so you are not grabbing on the go. If you know you do best with a specific bedtime, keep it. If you know you have a need for some alone time each day, schedule it and communicate those boundaries to your friends and family.

Your body needs you now and it can’t make sense of all the emotional intensity if it is responding with fight, flight, or freeze energy to hunger, thirst, or fatigue!

Build it.

Boundaries. Oh, what a topic! Lot’s to say here but I will just leave it simply at this, set them for you.

If you know you tend to fatigue with social events, limit how often you say “yes”. If you love to connect with others in smaller settings, initiate those plans with your friends and family. Pick the bedtime, pack your eye mask for sleep time on that trip, put that phone on airplane mode at night or when you are “making space” (see above).

Control what you can control, which is your self, your choices, your reactions, your plans. The boundary setting for others is on the table as well, and if you have capacity, please feel free to establish those for yourself and those around you as well. Just keep in mind the intensity of the holiday season hits every nervous system differently.

Embrace Grace.

When you inevitably have a moment where you don’t stay calm, cool, and collected, don’t beat yourself up about it. We’re human, and it happens. We make mistakes when we are learning. Instead, think of this as an opportunity to model how to offer a genuine apology to your partner or child as a step towards starting to repair the bond. 

Think about how it might feel to approach these moments of missteps with a lens of curiosity versus one of criticism. What are the notable qualities of each lens? Intuitively what next steps feel most appropriate with each?

The holidays can be a lot to handle, so in anticipation of a potentially chaotic time, take a moment to be intentional about choosing and using some strategies to support your nervous system.

Remember, what doesn’t work is just as important as what does work!

Open-mindedness, curiosity, and intentionality will serve you this holiday season.